Grey Divorce: What We Lose and Gain from Mid-Life Splits
- readstoomuch3
- Oct 24, 2017
- 3 min read
from the publisher - edited "After twenty, thirty, or even forty years of marriage, countless vacations together, raising well-adjusted children, and sharing property and finances--what could go wrong? Grey Divorce offers a provocative look at the growing rate of marital splits after the age of 50, showcasing the voices of men and women who are considering, going through, or have undergone one. With empathy and insight, the author uncovers the reasons for why men and women divorce--and the penalties and benefits that each pay for their choice. From the outside, many may ask why couples in mid-life and readying for retirement choose to make a drastic change in their marital status. Yet nearly 1 out of every 4 divorces is "grey."!
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review - I am also Canadian so will be using the spelling of GREY vs. gray. I am also a newlywed of seven months so boy did this book get a LOOK when I was reading it.
More and more we hear and read about couples who have been together for DECADES divorcing. When I grew up I didn't know of a SINGLE couple in my neighbourhood or amongst my parent's friends who were divorced - in fact, ALL of their close friends are still married or are a widower/widow. (I grew up in a small town and I think that played into it...you live with the marriage as you "went in it for the long haul"!
Through my work in social services, I personally know of a couple that won't divorce as the husband is afraid that he will end up in a dinky apartment and her in the house with him paying all of the bills - they have not shared a bedroom for 30+ years so they "split" so long ago why change things? I know couple who divorced after 55 years of marriage when she fell in love (and married) someone else that had a cottage next to theirs YET she still does a 180 mile drive eke sure every month to fill her ex's freezer will healthy meals and to make sure that he is still taking his medications as she wants him around for their fellow grandkids. I also know many women who are struggling to make ends meet as they are only on social security /government pensions as they gave up their rights to any of their husband's money just out GET OUT of the marriage.and I deal with men who are poor as the "wife got everything".
Complicated? Hell yes! And the author gives even more and more examples of these grey areas (sorry had to do a pun) that happen when you divorce after decades as a couple, especially if, in many cases, they are the only other person that they have ever had sex with. Many want their "freedom" or felt that they did only, in retrospect, stay in it for the kids which is why the "kids" are so shocked when it happens.
This book may make you think long and hard about your relationships and those of everyone around you that you know --- as a person who works in social services this book hit hard and long as I seem to work and deal with the fall out of such divorces. As the baby boomers age this could be even more and more evident --- this book is essential if you are even just CONSIDERING splitting.